Emotional Recall
by izzygeorge
Summary: Takes place after season 5 finale. Izzie wakes up but her memory is compromised. Can Derek save her? If he can't, can Alex,and her friends find a way to be there for her without compromising their own happiness?
1. Chapter 1

Izzie sits up in her bed. She looks around the room and struggles to remember what to do next. It seems these days everything is a struggle. Waking up, getting dressed, remembering people's names. She knows she used to be so smart and feels like she still could be smart. Her reasoning skills are good, but her memory is not returning at the pace she had hoped.

"Iz?" Alex says, poking his head into her bedroom.

"I'm up," she says, forcing a smile at him.

She remembers the wedding. She remembers how much she loves him. She remembers his face before all of this happened. Before her cancer, and before the surgery that changed their relationship. She knows she is a burden to him now, no matter how loving and kind he is to her. He has committed the rest of his life to her no matter what.

She stands up and tries to remember what to do next. She looks at the mirror which has a series of post its stuck to it.

"Brush teeth," she reads.

Izzie goes into the bathroom where she sees another set of post its. "Wet toothbrush then put toothpaste on. Close cap to the toothpaste and then brush teeth."

She follows all the steps then leaves the bathroom with the water still running. There was no post it that reminded her to turn off the water.

Meredith goes into the bathroom. "Who left the water running?" she calls, sticking her head out of the bathroom door. She sees Izzie standing in the hallway and realizes she must have been the culprit.

"Sorry," Izzie says.

"It's okay," Meredith says, smiling kindly. "It's one less thing I have to do when I go to brush my teeth," she adds.

Izzie smiles back politely and goes to her room.

"Are you ready?" Alex calls.

Izzie follows the steps on the post its and heads down the stairs.

"I made you breakfast. Well actually, I poured cereal into a bowl and put milk on it because I don't know how to make anything else," Alex says, setting the bowl in front of her.

"Thank you," Izzie says, slowly. She feels sluggish this morning, and even speaking is an effort.

"So, I'm going to work today. Meredith is going to stay with you until noon. Then, she has to go to work, and Cristina is going to come over. When she has to go to work, Lexie is going to come over for a while," Alex explains.

"Okay." Izzie says, agreeably.

"Who is coming first?" Alex quizzes her.

Izzie thinks hard. "Ummm…Cristina?" she asks.

Alex grimaces as though her wrong answer has caused him tremendous physical pain, but he answers patiently.

"No. Meredith is coming first. Then Cristina, then Lexie. Now, who is coming first?" he asks again.

Izzie thinks. Lists confuse her. Everything seems all jumbled together. "Ummm…George?" she guesses.

Alex shakes his head, trying not to let the frustration show on his face. "No. George is still in the hospital. The dumbass threw himself under a bus, remember?"

Izzie gasps. "Is he okay?"

"Iz…it's on a post it in your room…but he will be okay. It's going to take a long time though. We can go see him tomorrow if you want," Alex promises.

"Okay," she says.

"Meredith is coming to stay with you. Then Cristina. Then Lexie. Meredith…Cristina…Lexie…" he repeats.

"Alex…I'm tired. I'm always slower in the morning. I need a break," she says.

_Me too_, Alex thinks, but he presses on.

"I'm leaving then all the drills for you to do. I'm going to leave a note for them so they know the schedule. You can practice the new memory techniques they taught you at the hospital. I showed them to everyone so they know what you need to do. I'll be back in time for dinner, and I'll bring home something to eat. Cristina said she'd bring over lunch. If you don't remember how to cook soon, we're all going to starve or go broke eating takeout," Alex says, trying to smile as his joke falls flat.

Izzie sighs. "Okay. I'll see you later," she says.

"Don't just sit there on the couch all day looking at magazines. Make sure you do your memory exercises," he says, giving her a quick kiss.

Izzie doesn't answer, she just kisses him back and then settles into her favorite spot on the couch, grateful for the silence that engulfs the house.

She understands why they all feel like they have to babysit her. She knows it all goes back to when she first got home and she went out for a walk and forgot to take a cake she was baking out of the oven and when Lexie came home, the house was filled with smoke. She doesn't argue, but she hates being such a burden. Most of all, she hates the desperation Alex has for her to get better, because deep down, she knows that no matter how many times she does those stupid memory drills, she isn't getting better. Well…maybe a little better, but not even remotely close to the person that Alex thought he would spend the rest of his life with.

Meredith comes downstairs. "Hi Izzie. Did you eat breakfast?"

Izzie thinks about it. She's honestly not sure. She knows she sat at the table with Alex and she doesn't feel hungry, so she decides she must have eaten.

"Yes. I ate with Alex," she replies.

"Good. I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want some?" she asks.

"Sure. Thanks," Izzie says.

Meredith makes coffee and hands Izzie a mug and settles onto the couch next to her.

"So, Alex left me the drills we're supposed to do. Derek explained to me how your nerve cells need to be retrained and that the drills help to build new synapses, so we need to do them, no matter how much you'd rather sit around reading Marie Claire," Meredith says with a smile.

Izzie sighs. "I just want to close my eyes for a few minutes, Mer. I just came home from the hospital 2 weeks ago. I'm exhausted," she says.

Meredith looks at her sympathetically. "Okay. 10 minutes. But then I'm waking you up. I don't want the wrath of Alex when he comes home," she says.

No sooner has Izzie closed her eyes, is Meredith gently shaking her shoulder. "Iz…wake up. It's been 10 minutes and we have to get to work. I'm going to show you three pictures. You're going to remember the pictures and repeat them back to me 10 seconds later. Then we'll increase the amount of time that you'll need to remember them for. Okay?" Meredith says, as though she were talking to a child.

Izzie sighs, knowing it is going to be a long day. She is grateful for the time her friends have invested in taking care of her, but the nicer they are, the more pathetic she feels.

Meredith holds up a picture of a cat.

"Cat," Izzie says.

Meredith holds up a picture of an apple.

"Apple," Izzie says.

Meredith holds up a picture of a sun.

"Sun." Izzie says.

Meredith holds all three pictures next to each other. "Good. Cat…Apple…Sun." Now I'm going to put them away and you tell me what they were.

Izzie thinks hard. "Cat. Apple. Sun…" she says.

Meredith smiles and looks at her watch, silently counting to ten.

She looks at Izzie after ten seconds. "Do you remember the three items?" she asks.

"Ummm…Cat…Apple…and ummmm…Sun," Izzie says, slowly and deliberately.

"Wow! Iz!! That was excellent!" Meredith says, awkwardly patting her on the shoulder.

"Now we're going to wait 20 seconds." Meredith says.

Izzie knows she's already forgotten the items, so it is no surprise to her when Meredith asks her again and she says, "Ummm…Cat…ummmm…cat….I don't remember what came after cat. I'm sorry," she says.

"It's okay," Meredith says patiently. "You're doing great. You are doing wonderfully. I'm really proud of you, Izzie," she says.

For some reason, Meredith's kindness claws at Izzie and makes her eyes fill with tears. Meredith moves closer to her.

"Iz. It's okay. Remember what Derek said. It's not going to happen overnight. It takes time. Take a minute. Let's try again soon…okay?" she says.

Izzie wipes her eyes. "Okay," she says. "I'm sorry."

They try again, and at the 20 second mark Izzie fails again.

"Mer. I need another break. Please. I just can't anymore. I need to sleep,"

Meredith nods understandingly. "I'll bring you a blanket and a pillow and you can sleep right here if you want," she offers.

Izzie smiles. "Thank you," she says.

Meredith runs upstairs and grabs a pillow and an afghan from Izzie's room. She gently places the pillow under Izzie's head and the afghan over her body.

"Get some rest. Cristina's coming in an hour," Meredith warns.

(Break)

Izzie awakens to someone poking her in the arm sharply.

"Get up!" Cristina says, harshly.

Izzie groans.

"We've got work to do. Let's go sit at the table so you don't fall asleep. I'm not Meredith. I can't be manipulated into taking breaks every five minutes," Cristina says.

Izzie knows arguing is futile so she obediently stands up and moves to the kitchen. She is grateful to see that Cristina has made coffee and has brought lunch. Izzie moves towards the coffee pot but Cristina blocks her way.

"Not a chance. You'll work for your coffee and lunch. Your brain isn't turning to mush on my watch," Cristina says.

Izzie sighs and sits down. She doesn't have the energy to argue.

Cristina holds up a card.

"Cat," Izzie says.

Cristina nods and holds up the next picture.

"Apple," Izzie says.

Cristina nods again, holding up the next card.

"Sun," Izzie says.

"Good. Now we'll wait ten seconds," Cristina explains, "Then I'll ask you to name the three objects," she says.

"Cat, Apple, Sun," Izzie says, as Cristina looks up from her stopwatch.

"Good. If you can do it after 20 seconds I'll give you your coffee," Cristina offers.

"Cat…ummm…Apple…ummm…wait….I know this…Sun," Izzie replies.

"Good. Here's your coffee," Cristina says, handing her a black cup of hot coffee.

Izzie sips it and then reaches for the sugar.

"Uh uh!" Cristina says. "You get sugar after 25 second recall. Go!"

Izzie sighs.

"Cat…ummmmm…dammit! I know it's a fruit…orange…no wait. Apple. Cat…Apple…Sun," Izzie says, proudly.

"Good. Here's your sugar," Cristina says, handing her the bowl of sugar and smiling.

Izzie spoons the sugar into her coffee and sips it.

"Tell me the three objects again," Cristina orders.

"Cat…ummmm….Cat….ummmm…." Izzie racks her brain trying to recall the other two. "I don't know," she admits.

"Okay. That's alright. I already beat Meredith. She only got 10 second recall. I got 25! That's 15 second improvement," Cristina says.

"So I have the memory of a slightly larger carrot now?" Izzie asks, sarcastically.

"Yes. A larger, riper carrot. But it will get better every day," Cristina reminds her.

_But not normal,_ Izzie thinks.

"Okay. Are you ready for the next activity?" Cristina asks.

"If I say no can I go back to sleep?" Izzie asks.

"Sure. But no burger from Joe's then. And he made them especially for you…" Cristina says, holding up a steaming hot bag.

The aroma of the cheeseburger hits Izzie and her stomach rumbles. She can't believe how hungry she is. She knows Cristina means business, so she says, "Fine…let's do it."

Cristina shows her a page of pictures. "You have 20 seconds to name these 9 pictures. After that, we'll take a break, and I'll cut it to 10 seconds and we'll do it again."

Izzie bites her lip as she looks at the pictures.

"Ball…shoe…star…square…dog…bell…drum…fork…book," Izzie says, slowly.

"Okay. Good. Here's your burger. But the kick ass fries are going to cost you another ten seconds," Cristina says.

Izzie devours her burger hungrily. She notices how much pleasure food gives her these days. When she finishes, Cristina says, "Okay…now in ten seconds…ready? Go!"

"Ball, shoe…star…ummm…square…dog…bell…ummmm…"

"Time! We'll take a break and try again," Cristina says, matter of factly.

"Cristina…I can't…" Izzie begins.

"Good. Then more fries for me," Cristina says, biting into a French fry.

As the aroma of the fries hits Izzie she says, "Fine…let's do it."

Cristina shows her the pictures again. "Go!"

"Ball, shoe, star, square, dog, bell, drum…ummm…fork,…book," Izzie says.

"That was 12 seconds, but I'll give it to you. Not bad, Izzie. You're getting better…slowly," Cristina says.

Izzie doesn't answer, she just grabs the fries out of Cristina's hand and devours them.

"Is Alex starving you?" Cristina asks.

"I don't remember…I just know that these fries are sooooo good," Izzie says.

"Half hour break. Then we're moving on!" Cristina says.

Izzie sits on the couch and turns on the television. The afternoon soap operas come on and she finds herself lost in their imaginary complex world as she drifts off to sleep.

When she wakes up, Lexie is sitting next to her in a chair. She straightens up nervously when Izzie wakes up.

"Hi! I'm really sorry. Cristina told me I was supposed to wake you in 10 minutes, but you looked so peaceful, I just couldn't. I mean, I'm an intern, I know how valuable sleep is and well…after brain surgery, and coding…and…cancer…well…I just thought you might be tired," Lexie says, speaking rapidly.

Izzie blinks hard to focus her eyes. She has a difficult time waking up, but forces herself to sit up and look around to orient herself again.

"Thank you," she says, grateful for the fact that Lexie did not interrupt her sleep.

"You're welcome. Just don't tell Cristina…okay?" Lexie says, nervously.

"I probably won't remember," Izzie says with a wry smile.

Lexie shifts uncomfortably in her chair. "Yeah. That must be really weird. I mean, you were really smart. I'm sure you're still really smart…of course, but I don't know…I mean…not to remember things…I guess…I can't imagine that. I have a photographic memory, and if all of a sudden it was taken away from me…I don't know how I'd function," Lexie wonders outloud.

"You'd kill a lot of trees," Izzie says, motioning to the post its all over the house.

Lexie walks around the room and begins to read each post it out loud.

"TV remote is in the drawer. Push power to turn on. Remember to turn off TV when finished. Eat lunch at noon. Bathroom is upstairs on the left. Turn off water after washing hands…" Lexie reads each one, slowly and deliberately her amazement growing as she touches each small, square of paper.

Izzie looks down, embarrassed.

"Wow. You don't remember where the bathroom is?" Lexie asks.

Izzie shrugs. "Sometimes I do. I have some times where things come a little easier, but on a bad day…no. I can't remember where the bathroom is. Sometimes I don't even remember where my room is," Izzie admits.

"Wow. Ummm…you know, Cristina gave me these sheets and told me we had to work on them, but they seem a little irrelevant. I mean, who cares if you can remember the order of three objects if you can't even find your own room," Lexie says.

Izzie laughs bitterly. "Try telling that to her…or Alex…or even Meredith. All of them, they think if they keep drilling me I'll be normal again. But it's not working. I feel it. I'm not getting much better. Sometimes my recall improves for a few hours but then it disappears again. I'll never be a surgeon again…I couldn't even be a dermatologist at this point," she says.

Lexie thinks. "So your memory is really bad?" she asks.

Izzie looks at her strangely. "That's what I just said. Even I remember that much."

"So if I tell you something, you probably won't remember it for very long?" Lexie asks.

Izzie points to a post it that says, _You married Alex Karev on May 7__th__, 2009._ "I don't even remember that I got married on some days," she admits.

"So if I told you that Mark asked me to move in with him, you wouldn't remember long enough to tell anyone?" Lexie asks.

Izzie smiles. This is the type of easy gossip and conversation that she misses. No one tells her about their life anymore because they know she won't remember. The fact that Lexie is confiding in her allows her to avoid thinking of her own situation for a brief moment.

"Your secret is safe. What did you say? Are you going to do it?" she asks.

"I don't know. I freaked. He told me that he was going to buy a condo and that I should come with him. I didn't know what to say, so I told him I needed to finish my residency and we couldn't move in together for 7 more years. I mean…I just totally freaked. I didn't know what to do…or say…so I said I had to focus on my career!" Lexie says, kicking herself.

Izzie thinks for a moment. "Why don't you want to move in with him?" she asks.

"I do…I mean…I do…but I don't…I mean…I do…but I'm scared. I don't know. He's Mark Sloan. Let me put it this way. First I lived with George…" Lexie stops as Izzie cuts her off.

"George? You lived with George? Were you and George like…together?" Izzie asks.

"No. It wasn't like that. I wanted it to be for a brief time…but it wasn't like that," Lexie says.

Izzie likes the way Lexie doesn't make her feel like she should have known that information even though she knows she should have.

"Anyway…that ended badly when I wanted more from him and he wasn't interested. Besides…I found out he slept with Meredith a while back and that would have been weird…and well…I don't know…" Lexie says, pausing before saying, "And I slept with Alex that one time…I mean…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said that…and well…Oh my god. That was info you didn't need…" Lexie says putting her hands over her mouth in embarrassment.

Izzie gasps. "You slept with Alex? Really? He and I weren't together…were we?"

Lexie shakes her head quickly. "No! Definitely not. It was way before you guys were…you know…"

Izzie smiles. "Okay. Good. Because I like you and I wanted to make sure I didn't just forget that I'm supposed to hate you," she says.

Lexie smiles back. "Thanks."

"So anyway…you said that you lived with George and slept with Alex and can't move in with Mark…" Izzie reminds her.

Lexie continues. "Oh yeah. So I just feel like if I screw up again I will have really made a fool out of myself at work. I don't want to be that slutty intern who just goes through all the available men at the hospital. Besides…if it doesn't work out, it will be all awkward between me and Meredith and Derek. I mean, there's just a lot of risk involved," she explains. She stops for a moment. "Wait! You just reminded me of the topic of the conversation. That was really good! You remembered what we were talking about even after we changed topics!" Lexie says, happily.

Izzie blinks, surprised. "You're right! It's weird. There's not a lot of rhyme or reason to what I remember. Like I don't forget who people are…but sometimes I forget to turn off the water or the stove. I sometimes can't remember how to turn on the TV but I don't forget my relationships to everyone…I can remember my childhood, but can't remember whether I ate breakfast. One thing I have noticed is that it gets worse when I'm tense and better when I'm relaxed. I'm relaxed now because you're not pressuring me to remember anything," Izzie says.

"Good. I'm glad you're relaxed. So anyway…I just feel like I have to wait until I know we're both in this for keeps. It's still too new. Does that sound crazy? Like am I going to screw this up?" Lexie asks.

Izzie laughs. "It doesn't sound crazy. I mean, unless you have metastatic melanoma and rush into a wedding because you think you're going to be dead in a week, I think taking it slow is smart. Make him work for you. Make him think you're the prize he's got to fight for. It's romantic," Izzie says, with a conspiratorial smile.

Lexie ponders that for a moment. "I think that's good advice," she says. "And you promise you won't tell anyone that he asked me to move in with him. I don't want it to get around. He'll be embarrassed and well…you know…" Lexie says.

Izzie wrinkles her forehead in mock confusion. "Tell everyone what? I already forgot what we were talking about," she says, as they both laugh.

(Break)

Meredith puts her tray down next to Derek and leans her head on his shoulder.

"You look tired," he observes.

"Thanks. That's so good for a woman's self esteem to be told she looks like crap by her post it husband," Meredith says.

Derek kisses her. "Would it help if I reminded you that I'm going to love you when you're old, senile and smelly?"

"Definitely," Meredith says.

"So why so tired? You didn't have to be in until late today," Derek says.

"I don't want to tell you because it's going to sound like I'm complaining…and I'm not complaining…Really…I'm not," Meredith says.

"What if I promise not to interpret it as complaining, but as a simple act of sharing with your new husband? Will you tell me?" Derek asks.

Meredith relents. "Okay. But promise not to think I'm a horrible person?"

"Promise," Derek says.

"It's Izzie. I'm exhausted from taking care of her. I work a 24 hour shift, come home, do her memory exercises which she hates, try to keep her awake and alert and safe which isn't easy because the other day, she took a walk around the block and got lost halfway down the street because she couldn't remember what the house looked like. And another time, she forgot that she already put soap in the dishwasher and it overflowed with suds all over the floor which I had to clean up after being on call all night. I have to make sure her post its are in the right spot, and try to keep a cheerful, positive attitude while I know she's not getting better…well not better enough anyway…it's not working, Derek. She's never going to be a doctor again…" Meredith says.

Derek stiffens defensively. " I did the best I could. I told you…she was regaining her memory but when she coded, it set her back because of the lack of oxygen to her already compromised brain. We'll scan her again next week and see the degree of damage, but it's going to take time," he says.

Meredith puts her hand over his. "I'm not blaming you…I'm just frustrated."

"I know. I am too. I have a few ideas, but I need to scan her again before I can even consider anything," Derek says.

Meredith leans her head on his shoulder. "Can I take a nap…right here?" she asks.

"Anytime…" Derek says, putting his arm around her.

(Break)

Cristina sits across from Alex.

"Who's with Izzie?" he asks.

"Relax. Lexie came a little early so I left her with Izzie so I could get my rounds done early. I have two surgeries this afternoon and for the first time in my life I'm not totally prepared for the second one," Cristina says.

"You can't just leave early!" Alex explodes.

"She's taken care of. I told you…I left her with Lexie," Cristina reminds him.

"Lexie's a goddamn intern! What if she codes again? I said that Lexie was fine for a back up, but it's got to be you, Meredith or Bailey. Lexie is just a back up. She's not on the schedule unless it's an emergency!" Alex says, angrily.

"Don't yell at me, Evil Spawn! I got her short term recall up to 25 seconds today! What did you do, other than wallpaper the house with more post it notes?" Cristina snaps back.

"Shut up! Just shut up!" he snaps, knocking his tray over and storming away.

******

After the season finale I had to write something…

Let me know what you think and if you want to read more! I'll continue it if you guys like it!

I always have the best reviewers in the world, so I know this time will be no different!

Read and review!!!

-Jess


	2. Chapter 2

Alex comes in and stands by the door listening to Izzie and Lexie laughing in the room.

"Let's try again…" Lexie says.

"Okay. I'm going to get it this time. Meredith slept with Derek, and George, Christina slept with Burke and Owen, Alex slept with you, me and…ummm…who is the other one? I forget…" Izzie says.

"Olivia," Lexie reminds her.

"Right! Olivia! I keep forgetting her. Why can't I remember Olivia…" Izzie says, laughing.

Alex enters the kitchen. "Maybe because the only one that matters is you…" he says, glaring at Lexie.

Lexie looks at him, startled. "I didn't hear you come in…ummm…hi Alex. We were just doing some memory drills and well…we were ummm…"

Alex stares harshly at Lexie. "This isn't a joke, Little Grey. Cristina told you what you needed to do. I work hard to make sure that Izzie is getting the best care. If you can't follow simple directions, you can't be on the schedule. I mean…seriously!" Alex explodes.

Izzie can't help but notice that Alex is talking about her as though she is not in the room.

"Alex! Lexie did everything she was supposed to do. We were finished. I promise. It's not what you think…" Izzie says, mortified by his behavior.

"All I know, is I work really hard trying to help you get better, and I come home and the two of you are sitting at the table gossiping like nurses! Do you want to be a vegetable for the rest of your life?" Alex snaps at Izzie.

"Of course not…it's just that…Alex…I…" Izzie tries to find the right words to remind him that she is still a person…a person who needs him to be her husband and not just a caregiver…a person with feelings that can be hurt, but under the stress of the moment, she can't find the right words and feels her eyes fill with hot tears that spill endlessly down her burning cheeks.

"Now look what you did!" Alex snaps at Lexie, motioning towards his crying wife.

"I didn't mean…I mean…I'm sorry…I…I better go now. Sorry for any trouble, Izzie," Lexie says, rushing out the door.

(Break)

Izzie stands at the top of the stairs, she stares at Alex as he scribbles furiously on small squares of post it notes all of the things that she forgot that day. She watches him meticulously stick them up in the appropriate room of the house. He stops only when Meredith walks into the house.

"You forgot to fill out the notebook," he says as soon as Meredith enters.

"I know. I was in a rush. I wrote it on a post it and figured I'd stick it in afterwards," Meredith says, digging the post it out of her pants.

Alex examines the post it as her sticks it into the notebook. "You only got 10 seconds out of her. Cristina got 25. Yesterday I had her at 22. You're not pushing hard enough," Alex says.

Meredith sighs. "Alex. She needs her rest too. Look at her, she's still so fragile," she says.

"What is it with you Grey girls? If you and Lexie can't tow the line, I'm going to replace you. Bailey offered to help out, and I told her we were covered next week, but now, I'm not sure you and Lexie are up to the task," he says, angrily.

"Alex! What is going on here? I'm working as hard as I can to make sure that things get done around here. I'm working 12 hour shifts then coming home and taking care of Izzie, doing your laundry, waking up every few hours to check on her…what more can you want?" Meredith asks, insulted.

"Forget it, you don't understand," Alex says, dejectedly.

Meredith opens her mouth to answer when Cristina opens the door and walks in.

"Don't you knock?" Alex snaps.

"Shut up. I brought food," Cristina replies.

"Thanks," Meredith says, taking the bag from Cristina's hand and grabbing a bunch of plates.

"I'm not hungry," Alex says. "I think I'm taking Meredith off the schedule," Alex says to Cristina.

"Alex! Stop it! I'm doing everything I can to help you and Izzie. I'm not charging anyone rent anymore, I'm doing everyone's share of the housework, I do all the drills you ask me to do with her, I clean up after she floods all the household appliances, and I haven't gotten so much as a thank you from you and now you say that you're taking me off the schedule…seriously???" Meredith protests.

"I'm going through the notebook. Her times with you are consistently the lowest. She doesn't make progress when you are here," Alex says, matter of factly.

"I get results. I bribe her with food," Cristina says, proudly.

"Yeah. But you screwed up yesterday too. You left early and left her here with Lexie. You can't cut out on your shift. Lexie's an intern. She doesn't know what she's doing. I came home and they were sitting at the table gossiping like a bunch of nurses in the cafeteria. She didn't even fill out the notebook," Alex says.

"I didn't screw up. I got a page for an important surgery. Do you know how many surgeries I have given up to babysit Izzie?" Cristina snaps.

Izzie listens silently from the top of the stairs. She hears someone come up behind her. Lexie stands at the top of the stairs next to Izzie and doesn't know what to say, so she says, "Wow. I think I'll stay up here until they all finish yelling at each other."

Izzie looks away so as not to reveal the tears that are building like an overflowing dam in her eyes. She doesn't answer.

"You want to talk about what you've given up, Yang? How about what I've given up! I married her. I married her knowing she had cancer. I knew we might not have a future, but I didn't know THIS would be our future. God damn post it notes and memory drills and cat scans and…damn it! I gave up my life for her, so don't you dare talk to me about sacrifice, Yang!" Alex yells, slamming his fist into the wall.

Alex's words pierce through Izzie in a million tiny sharp pieces. Lexie gasps, audibly glancing sideways at Izzie, not sure of what to do or say.

Meredith goes to Alex. "Alex, I know this is hard for you…but…"

"Don't talk to you about sacrifice? You wouldn't know what it means to sacrifice if it…" Cristina begins to snap back at Alex.

"Cristina, stop it! Don't…" Meredith warns.

"Seriously? Are you seriously going to take his side? He's right…you are too soft. Your times are slow…" Cristina snaps at Meredith.

Meredith is about to answer back when Izzie runs down the stairs sobbing. "Stop it! Just stop it! Please! All of you…just…please…stop yelling…" she pleads.

All of them freeze as Izzie storms out the door.

Lexie walks down the stairs. "For the record, Alex, I didn't forget to fill out the notebook. I think your notebook is ridiculous. And if I were all of you, I'd take down all these ridiculous post it notes. She only reads about 10 of them anyway," she says, casually leaving the three of them behind staring at each other in shock.

The silence takes over the room, threatening to suffocate all three of them if no sound is produced.

Cristina is the first to speak. "Maybe she won't remember what she heard?"

*********

Thank you for all the reviews! I really appreciate it! I have an idea of where I'm going with this now…

I'm glad you all enjoyed it!


	3. Chapter 3

Izzie sits on the bench outside the hospital. She can't get over what she heard. Of all the things she wants to remember the conversation regarding how much of a burden she was wasn't one of them, but it seems to be the only thing playing in her mind.

"Ummm…Izzie?" a voice says.

Izzie turns around to see Lexie sitting next to her.

Izzie can't think of anything to say, which happens to her often these days. She freezes in conversation and can't put her words together so she says nothing.

This doesn't deter Lexie who begins to ramble.

"I don't know if you remember our conversation the other day, where I told you that thing that I didn't want you to tell anyone?" Lexie begins. "Well…if you don't, I told you that Mark asked me to move in with him and I freaked out and said no. I think I probably am going to have to move in with him now…" she continues.

Izzie looks puzzled. "Why?"

"Because I told Alex what I thought of his stupid notebook and Meredith and Cristina to stop plastering the house with those stupid post it notes. I'm not sure I'm going to be welcome in Mer's attic anymore," Lexie admits.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause any trouble for you," Izzie says, looking away.

"Stop apologizing," Lexie says.

"What?" Izzie asks.

"Stop apologizing. Every time I talk to you you're apologizing for something. Every time I hear you talk to anyone you keep saying you're sorry. Just stop. You're not the one who did anything wrong here. Alex, Meredith and Cristina behaved like asses. They owe YOU an apology," Lexie points out.

Izzie smiles sadly. "You don't understand."

"What don't I understand?" Lexie asks.

"That what they said is true. They've all given up their lives for me," Izzie says. She pauses, as Lexie's face indicates that she doesn't really agree. "Take Cristina, for example. She is this totally up and coming cardio god. she actually got called out by Dr. Dixon the other day for being unprepared for a procedure she was supposed to do. Cristina's not lazy. She would have been prepared, but do you know what she was doing instead? She was making charts for me on poster board. Charts with different color magic markers like a kindergarten teacher. And Meredith…Meredith is the least domestic person I've ever known. Now she spends her afternoons doing everyone's laundry. She's a newlywed, and she should be happy and smiling all the time. Instead, she's getting wrinkles in her forehead from the stress of her schedule and from worrying about me. And Alex…Alex is…stuck. He's trapped. He can't leave me because then he's the guy who left his brain damaged girlfriend, but if he stays, this is his life…his whole life…It's not what he signed on for…" Izzie explains.

"Can I ask you something?" Lexie asks.

"Sure," Izzie replies.

"Would you do it for any of them? I mean, if any of them were sick, or hurt, or needed help, would you drop it all and be there?" Lexie asks.

"Of course…" Izzie replies.

"Then stop apologizing!" Lexie says.

Izzie pauses to think for a moment, when Derek comes running outside.

"Izzie! I've been looking all over for you. Your scan was scheduled for 15 minutes ago. Did you forget?" he asks.

Izzie sighs. "I'm sorry, Derek…I…"

Lexie shoots her a look. Izzie smiles.

"Yes. I forgot," Izzie says, leaving off the rest of her apology.

Derek smiles. "It's okay. Let's get it done now. Alex is on call. Do you want me to page him so he can be there with you?" he asks.

Izzie shakes her head. "No. Let's just do it," she says.

"I'll see you at home, if they don't kick me out," Lexie says.

Izzie smiles. "Thanks," she replies.

"Good luck!" Lexie says.

(Break)

Derek and Meredith help Izzie into the machine for her scan. Meredith and Izzie avoid eye contact uncomfortable with the fact that they have not addressed the conversation that Izzie was not supposed to have overheard. Finally, when Izzie is settled, safely in the machine, Meredith says, "Iz…about what you heard…I…"

Izzie stops her. "I understand. I don't blame you. I know it's hard for all of you. You've all given up a lot," she says, understandingly.

The door opens, and Lexie appears. She freezes when she sees Meredith. "I – I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone but Derek would be in here. I just thought maybe Dr. Stevens…I mean, Izzie shouldn't be alone and well…I'm sorry…I'll go now," Lexie says, turning towards the door.

"Stop apologizing," Izzie says from inside the machine.

Lexie laughs, uncomfortably.

"Dr. Grey, can I see you outside?" Meredith asks Lexie.

Lexie blinks, surprised by Meredith's formality.

"Certainly, Dr. Shepherd? Or is it Dr. Shepherd-Grey…or is it Dr. Grey-Shepherd? Or is it still just Dr. Grey…" Lexie wonders outloud.

Meredith grabs Lexie by the arm and pulls her outside the room.

"You were right," Meredith says.

"What?" Lexie asks.

"What you said to us about Izzie. You were right. I'm not comfortable with Alex and Cristina's way of doing things. Izzie's stressed, I'm stressed, they're stressed…we're all stressed. I just wanted you to know…you were right."

"Thank you," Lexie says.

"I'm not writing in the stupid notebook anymore either. And I'm telling Izzie that she can take down any of the post its that she doesn't use. It's my house. I can make the rules. One of the rules is going to be no more yelling at each other," Meredith says.

Lexie is about to reply when Derek calls, "Dr. Grey?"

Both Meredith and Lexie reply, "Yes?"

Derek laughs. "Dr. Grey-Shepherd?"

"Oh…that's you. I better go. I'll see you at home. I'm calling a house meeting tonight at 9pm," Meredith says.

"Okay," Lexie says. "Wish Izzie luck for me."

"Why don't you come read the scan with Derek and I?" Meredith asks.

"Really?" Lexie asks, flattered.

"Come on," Meredith says, leading her inside.

When Derek sees the two of them, Meredith says, "We have an intern on this case now."

"I can see that. Dr. Grey…as a promising young, intern, do you think that Meredith here should be answering to Dr. Grey or Dr. Grey-Shepherd or maybe even just Dr. Shepherd…" he asks.

Lexie's eyes dart from Meredith to Derek and back again. "Ummm…I don't know. I think ummm….well…"

"You don't have to answer that, Dr. Grey. We're not allowed to harass interns, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith says, with a smile.

Derek holds up the first scan. "Look at this," he whispers.

Meredith stares at the scan. "The damage is right there…" Meredith says, pointing to the spot of the brain which is darkened in the photograph.

Derek nods. "It's pretty severe. The chances of recovery without surgery are slim to none…" he says.

Lexie looks puzzled. "You can't correct that surgically…can you?"

Derek looks at the scan again. "I think I might be able to…" he says.

"How?" Meredith asks.

"If I reroute the blood supply from this artery to the one over there," he says, pointing on the picture, "then we can bypass the damaged part of the brain. Her memory should return to normal."

"But that artery is a lot thinner…couldn't it burst from the pressure?" Meredith asks.

"If the artery accepts the blood it will compensate for the size by adjusting the rate of flow. However, the risk is that the artery doesn't accept the blood and her brain shuts down from lack of oxygen."

"And what if she doesn't get the surgery," Lexie asks.

"She'll probably retain the function that she has, but I think further improvements are unlikely," Derek explains, patiently.

"But if it works, she'll be Izzie again? She'll be able to bake and annoy everyone with her optimism and even be a surgeon again?" Meredith asks, unable to contain her excitement.

Derek nods. "I don't see why not. You girls stay here. I'm going to bring her out of the scan. Meredith, can you page Karev? I want him to be here when I talk to her," Derek says.

Meredith nods and pages Alex who comes with Cristina trailing behind him.

"What is it?" Alex says, breathlessly. "Is she okay? Her scan was supposed to be over an hour ago!" he says.

"We got started late," Meredith says.

"She forgot…didn't she?" Alex says.

Meredith nods.

"You didn't put the post it note in the right place," he says, accusingly at Meredith.

Cristina rolls her eyes. "It's supposed to be YOUR job to arrange the post it notes in the morning, but it takes you 30 minutes to clean up the 2 dishes from breakfast so by the time you get around to it it's time to leave for work. You know…I sublet my apartment to Arizona to move in with you guys, but I'm not going to clean up after you, Karev…" Cristina snaps.

"Clean up after him? Clean up? Seriously? If anyone has been cleaning up it's been me…I've been…" Meredith begins.

"Seriously? Are you all really going to do this again? It wasn't enough that you pushed Izzie to a meltdown this morning? You're going to start yelling at each other again? What would happen if you all took a break from blaming each other for one minute and actually thought about your so called friend and her feelings for one minute!" Lexie asks, angrily. Then she realizes that she just took on four residents. "I mean…I'm sorry…I'll just shut up now," she adds, shyly.

"Shutting up sounds like a good idea," Alex says, snidely.

"Alex, she's right. All we've done is yell at each other. It's not helping. Derek has an idea. He has a new treatment plan. Listen to him…" Meredith says, putting her hand on his arm.

"No offense, Mer. But he goes all McDreamy, 'ooh…I've got a plan' and you go 'ahhh…McDreamy, your plan is perfect. I mean, seriously? His plan is what got us here to begin with," Cristina says.

"Seriously? You're going to blame Derek? It's because of him that Izzie's still alive!" Meredith says.

"It's also because of him that she has the memory of a carrot," Alex says.

Lexie shifts uncomfortably and says, "Umm…guys, I think Derek wants to talk to Izzie. Maybe we should…ummm…"

"We? There's no 'we' that includes you. Go be an intern or something!" Alex says.

"Yeah, Little Grey. Don't you have coffee to fetch or something?" Cristina asks.

"Alex! Cristina!" Meredith says.

Derek comes outside. "Karev, I'm going to talk to Stevens now. Do you want to be present?" he asks.

"Yeah," he says.

"Greys, come on in. You're on this case now," Derek says.

Meredith follows him inside.

"Well, if they're all coming, I'm coming too," Cristina says, pushing her way past Lexie.

"Little Grey, I said, GREYS. That means both of you. You're assigned to this case now. Start studying up for this surgery," Derek says.

"Oh! Wow! Me? Thank you, Derek…I mean…Dr. Shepherd. Wow!" she says, following everyone into the room as Alex glares at her.

Izzie watches them all sit down. Alex takes her hand and kisses it. Izzie forces a smile.

"Wow. Everyone's here. This can't be good," Izzie remarks.

"Actually, the news is very good," Derek says, as he holds up her scan.

Alex looks closely at it. "Look Iz. Let's label it. There's the medulla. What functions does that control?" he quizzes.

"Alex…not now," she begs.

"Come on Iz…you know this," he says, desperately.

"I don't, Alex. I really don't know. I can't think right now…I'm too…I just can't," she says.

"Come on, Iz. You can do this. Think hard. Medulla. This is 9th grade biology," Cristina says, impatiently.

Izzie shakes her head and feels her throat start to tighten. She tries desperately not to cry, but knows she is losing the battle when Alex says, "Come on Iz…think. You're not thinking. Just take your time and think it through. Medulla…"

Izzie looks from Alex to Cristina and then looks at Lexie and Meredith who exchange worried looks.

Lexie scribbles down the word _breathing_ on a scrap of paper and hands it to Izzie as discretely as possible. Meredith sees her do it, looks at Lexie and gives her a small smile.

Izzie looks at the paper. "Breathing?" she asks, crumpling it up and putting dropping it on the floor.

Alex smiles and breathes a sigh of relief. "See! You did it. You're getting better, Iz. You can do this. See? Your hard work is paying off!" he says, kissing her happily.

"I am so bringing you onion rings from Joe's tomorrow," Cristina says.

Izzie sighs with relief and waits for Derek to tell her what her scan revealed.

"So, we looked at your scans, and I think we have a plan." Derek begins.

Everyone is silent as they wait for him to go on.

"As you can see, the damaged portion of the brain is right here," Derek points out.

Alex and Izzie stare at the scan. "That's pretty significant damage," Alex says.

"Yes. It is. However, if you look at the artery leading from here to there," Derek says, pointing at the scan, "That artery can be used to reroute the blood flow and bypass the damaged portion of the brain. If we do that, and we are successful, her memory should return to normal," Derek explains.

"Normal? Like I could be a functioning person again?" Izzie asks.

"Normal, like you could be a surgeon again," Derek says, smiling.

Tears well up in Izzie's eyes. "Oh my god…do it. Do it now," Izzie says.

"Wait…" Cristina says. "What if you aren't successful?"

"How risky is this?" Alex asks.

"It's pretty risky," Derek admits. "The danger is of the artery not accepting the new blood flow and rupturing from too much pressure."

"What are the other options?" Alex asks.

"The other option is to continue with the memory drills and the exercises as you've been doing, however, with this much damage, you can't expect to see more than marginal progress," Derek explains.

"But she's already made so much progress," Alex says. "You heard her. She remembered the function of the medulla," he says.

Lexie looks at Meredith guiltily and Izzie looks at the floor.

"We can work harder," Cristina says. "We'll put in more hours. I just read this study where…"

Derek interrupts her. "Take a few days to think about it, Stevens, but don't take too long. The longer we wait, the riskier it becomes."

Izzie nods, speechlessly. "Can we go home, Alex?" she says, anxious to get away from everyone.

"Sure. We'll talk about everything at home," he says, taking her hand.

***

Thanks to those of you who have reviewed! I'm glad you are enjoying this story so far. All of you who added this to your story alerts, PLEASE PLEASE, PLEASE drop me a review! All of you who have been reviewing all along, PLEASE continue to review! I love reading what you think. Let me know if there is anything specific that you want to see happen! Thank you so much!

Jess


	4. Chapter 4

"Don't worry, Iz. You don't have to have another surgery. It's okay. We can do this another way. You'll be okay. We'll work on your memory. I can help you. Cristina will help you. We'll all help you. You'll be back in the O.R. with a scalpel in your hand before you know it!" Alex promises her as they sit on the couch together.

"But it's not working, Alex. I'm not getting better. I want to be normal again. I don't want to just get a little better. I want to get all better," Izzie tries to explain.

"Look, Shepherd's the one who killed your memory in the first place. Let's get another opinion. This surgery is risky. I love you, Iz. You're my wife. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, not just the rest of the week…" Alex says, kissing her on the forehead.

"Even if it means a life of post it notes and organizing a team to babysit me?" Izzie asks.

"Speaking of post it notes…there are hundreds of them missing. Do you know where they went?" Alex asks.

Izzie shakes her head.

"It's okay. I'll just put them up again. And yes…I love you. I would give up everything to take care of you…don't you know that?" Alex asks, sounding almost hurt.

"Of course I know that. But…I…" Izzie's thoughts begin to get jumbled and she can't quite explain to him how badly she wants this surgery. "I'm tired," she says instead.

"I know. It's been a long day. And Iz…" he says.

"What?" she asks.

"I'm sorry there's been a lot of yelling in the house lately. I just want everyone to give you their best all the time. This is all for you…you know that…right?" Alex asks.

Izzie doesn't know what to say, so she just nods and closes her eyes.

When she wakes up, Cristina is sitting next to her in a chair flipping through a thick medical textbook and Meredith is in the kitchen microwaving dinner.

"Good. You're up. Are you going to have the surgery?" Cristina asks.

"What? No small talk? Come one…tell me some good dirt or something. How are things with Owen going?" Izzie asks.

"I already told you yesterday. You must have forgotten," Cristina snaps.

Meredith comes into the room and says, "You told her about Owen? You haven't told me anything in weeks."

"No. Actually I didn't tell her anything and I'm not going to…but it's not like she would remember if I did," Cristina says to Meredith.

"Hello! Brain damaged…not deaf!" Izzie reminds her.

"Cristina!" Meredith reprimands.

"So are you going to have the surgery? Because I have been researching it and it's only been done successfully a few times. I'm not in favor of it," Cristina says.

"What would you suggest?" Izzie asks.

"Well, I think I'd enroll in some experimental memory studies and do intense memory drill to encourage the return of as much function as possible," Cristina says, confidently.

"What about you, Mer?" Izzie asks.

"I would have the surgery. But you have to do what's right for you," Meredith says, diplomatically.

Izzie turns back to Cristina. "What if you couldn't be a surgeon?" Izzie asks. "Wouldn't that destroy you?"

"I've been told I'll never be a surgeon before. I beat the odds through hard work. You can too," Cristina says, walking out of the room.

Meredith looks at Izzie. "Do you have any idea what she is talking about?"

"None…but maybe she told me and I forgot. I don't know…" she replies.

"Iz…I'm sorry for the way we've all been acting. Alex is trying to help you in the best way he knows how. He's Alex…he's flawed…but his intentions are good. And Cristina…she doesn't do anything halfway. I know we've all been adding to your stress and I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry," Meredith says.

"Thank you," Izzie replies.

"And whatever you decide to do about the surgery, I support you," Meredith says.

Izzie smiles gratefully.

Lexie comes through the door as quickly as possible.

"Did Mark call?" she asks, breathlessly.

"No," Meredith answers.

"Oh. Because he said he'd call. Will you let me know if he does?" Lexie says, trying to sound casual.

"Sure. I'm going to go finish making dinner," Meredith says.

Lexie sits down. "He won't talk to me. He won't talk to me at all. Not even a hello. It's like he doesn't know me. He had dinner with my father a week ago and now he won't speak to me? I don't know what to do. I tried to explain it to him…but he won't even stop long enough to talk to me. Oh my god. You're trying to figure out whether or not to have a life threatening operation and I'm whining about Mark Sloan. I'll shut up now," Lexie says, mortified.

Izzie laughs. "It's okay. For the record, I think Mark's pride is probably wounded. Give him space and try to act like things are normal between you guys…you know…sex in the on call room and everything and he'll come around," she says.

Lexie ponders that for a moment before she remembers that it would be appropriate to ask Izzie about her difficult decision.

"So, are you going to have the surgery?" Lexie asks.

"I don't know. Maybe," Izzie shrugs.

"I guess everyone has an opinion. This isn't really a crowd that keeps their opinions to themselves…is it?" Lexie asks.

"What do you think? Do you think I should do it?" Izzie asks.

Lexie looks away nervously. "I don't want to answer that," she says.

"Why not?" Izzie asks.

"Because once you give your opinion, you're somewhat responsible for the results. Does that make sense?" Lexie says.

Izzie looks at her puzzled.

"I mean, I told my dad to take my mom to the doctor when she had the hiccups and they had to operate on her and she died. There is a part of me that will always feel responsible for making him take her. I'm not telling you what to do," Lexie says, adamantly.

"Wow. I'm sorry about your mom," Izzie says.

"Thank you," Lexie replies.

"What would you do if you were in my shoes?" Izzie asks, rephrasing her question.

"I'd think long and hard about what I wanted and what risks were worth it to me," Lexie says.

"Thanks." Izzie says. "Not that you really answered my question!"

"Dinner!" Meredith calls.

Alex, Cristina, Izzie and Lexie come over to the kitchen. Meredith has prepared dinner and set the table although the forks and knives are reversed. She puts a bowl of something that resembles a watery stew on the table.

"What the hell is this?" Alex asks.

"It's Beef Stew with some kind of seasoning. I don't know. I got it out of one of Izzie's recipe books," Meredith says, defensively.

Lexie takes a bite and almost gags, but she chokes down the vile meat and swallows. "It's delicious, Meredith. Thank you," she says.

"I'm not eating this. I'm ordering Chinese," Alex says.

Cristina takes a bite. "Order me a sesame chicken," she calls to Alex.

"Cristina!" Meredith protests.

Izzie takes a bite, and looks at Meredith's face as she almost chokes on the toughness of the meat.

"It's great, Mer! Thanks!" she says, brightly.

"Last chance…" Alex says, picking up the phone.

Meredith takes a bite. "Oh my god! Order me a chicken with broccoli," she says, horrified.

Lexie and Izzie start to laugh. "I'll take a shrimp lo mein," Izzie says.

"And I'll take an order of orange beef," Lexie says.

Alex calls in the order.

"I'll clean up. You guys go sit down and relax. You've worked all day," Izzie says.

"Thanks," Meredith says.

Alex gives her a worried look. "You sure? I can help you if you want me to," he says.

Izzie shakes her head. "I can put a few pots and pans in the dishwasher," she says, planting a kiss on Alex's lips.

"I'm in the living room if you need me," he says.

Izzie rinses out the ridiculous number of pots that Meredith used to prepare the meal that never was eaten. Then, she looks at the directions on the refrigerator.

_To Run Dishwasher:_

_Load dishes_

_Add soap_

_Set timer for 1 hour wash_

_Push start._

Izzie stares at all the appliances in the kitchen. They all look the same to her. She is too embarrassed to admit she needs help with a task as simple as loading the dishwasher, so she surveys the kitchen and begins loading the dishes into the appliance that looks as though it could fit them all. Unfortunately, it is not the dishwasher. It is the oven.

As she adds a lot of soap to the oven and sets the timer, she pushes start and goes in to join her friends. She stops short of actually entering the living room when she hears the conversation.

"If it were me, I'd do it," Meredith says.

"Yeah…you also stuck your hand on a bomb. Your life is not something you clearly value," Alex responds.

"That was a long time ago. Before Mer got all McHappy," Cristina teases.

"I'm just saying…I would have the surgery," Meredith says.

"I wouldn't. I'd just drill and drill myself until I retrained all my neuro pathways. It can be done," Cristina says.

"Not in all cases," Lexie argues.

"I'm sorry…that sounded like an intern speaking. Did anyone else hear anything?" Cristina says, looking around as though Lexie isn't there.

Lexie looks away.

"Yeah. I heard an intern overstep her boundaries again. Interns should be seen and not heard," Alex says.

Izzie enters the room, forcefully. "Alex! Apologize to Lexie right now," she says.

Alex looks at her as though she is crazy. "Apologize? To the intern? Yeah…not happening," he says.

"You can't talk to people that way. It's rude," Izzie says, simply.

"Izzie…it's fine. I'm sure Alex didn't mean to…" Lexie says, diplomatically.

"Actually, Alex did mean to…Alex has been working his ass off here to keep his wife's brain from turning to mush, and it seems that every time I turn around, there is an intern who is giving her two cents or straying from the plan. I'm working my ass off here, Izzie. For you. For us. For our future. And Cristina here, she gets it. She's your friend. She's willing to tow the line even when it's hard. Even when you hate us for it, Cristina and I…we're on your team. Meredith…well…she's on your team too, even though she sucks at following my directions, she is letting us live here, rent free indefinitely. Your little intern friend just wants to be a hero and do things her own way. You don't know what you need right now. You think you do, but you don't. And the intern definitely doesn't know either…so let me help you right now…you helped me when I was weak. Let me help you, Iz. Just trust me. I know I seem like an ass right now…but I'm in your corner," Alex says, softening at the end.

Everyone is uncomfortably quiet. Lexie looks at Meredith, hoping her sister will defend her, but Meredith is rendered speechless as well.

Izzie opens her mouth to speak, but closes it again.

Cristina looks at Izzie. "He's right. I do get it…I mean it, Izzie…you can retrain your brain," she says.

Lexie has had enough of the way they all have been pressuring Izzie, and is fuming at Alex's attack on her motives for helping.

"Come on Cristina. Brain damage from lack of oxygen is not the same as teaching your brain to compensate for dyslexia," she explodes.

Cristina turns a shade of white, no one could imagine a human face could turn. "What? How did you…How could you…I don't know what you're talking about," she replies, recovering as quickly as she can.

Lexie doesn't stop there. "And Alex…you keep pressuring Izzie to work harder? Where was your work ethic when you were applying to medical school? Because I know you didn't lose a ball to testicular cancer like your essay said…"

Alex glares at her. "What the hell – " he asks, shocked that she has this kind of information on him.

"And Meredith…funny, how when we're in private, you are always talking about how uncomfortable you are with the way that Alex and Cristina are handling everything, but when the two of them continue to pressure Izzie or treat me like dirt, you don't open your mouth. You can stand up for your patients, but not for your own sister. Nice," Lexie says, turning away from Meredith.

Everyone is still silent. Izzie looks around the room uncomfortably. Alex and Cristina glare at Lexie. Meredith looks at the floor, feeling ashamed that she knows what Lexie has said is true. Lexie realizes the magnitude of what she just did and suddenly gets nervous. Finally, Izzie breaks the silence.

"I'm having the surgery," she says. "As soon as possible," she adds, walking upstairs to her bedroom.

Alex looks at Lexie. "If she dies, it's on you," he says, coldly as he runs upstairs to try to talk Izzie out of her decision.

(Break)

Lexie retreats to the attic when Meredith stands in the entrance of her space.

"I'm sorry," Meredith says.

"I am too," Lexie replies.

"You were right. You have nothing to apologize for. I should have defended you," she says.

"And I should have said something to you privately. We're family. My mother always told me…family doesn't air their dirty laundry in public," Lexie says.

"Then we're even?" Meredith says.

Lexie shrugs. "I guess. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Meredith says.

"Why do they hate me so much?" Lexie asks.

Meredith laughs. "They don't hate you. Their plan isn't working…and they have to blame someone because it's too scary to Alex to think that Izzie might now get better…and Cristina…well…she doesn't like to fail. They can't blame me because of the living situation…they can't blame Izzie. They can blame Derek, but he doesn't let them get away with that kind of behavior…so that's where you come in," Meredith explains.

There is an awkward silence which Meredith fills by saying, "But Cristina might hate you now…"

Lexie smiles weakly. "That was really bad…wasn't it?" she asks.

"Yes," Meredith replies.

Lexie sighs. "I guess I kind of owe her an apology," she acknowledges.

"I might not go to her right now," Meredith suggests.

"Yeah. I think I'll wait," Lexie replies.

(Break)

Alex sits downstairs on the couch where he realizes he will most likely be sleeping tonight. Meredith sits next to him and hands him a cup of coffee.

"I thought you might need this," she says.

"Thanks," Alex says, taking the cup and sipping it.

"Alex…" Meredith begins.

"No lectures, Meredith…okay? I can't do this right now. I know I'm being an ass. I have to be an ass. I have no choice but to continue being an ass because if I stopped focusing on being an ass I'd probably realize that I'm so scared of losing her and of the possibility that I've already lost her. She is the only good thing that's ever happened to me. I can't…I can't lose her. We beat cancer together. She had a 5% chance and we beat it. Now this? It's not supposed to be this way," he says, his voice choking, emotionally.

"I know…" Meredith says.

They sit silently sipping their coffee for a few minutes before Meredith says, "I'm so sorry, Alex."

"Me too," he replies.

Cristina joins them downstairs. She walks in the room rapidly, with a purpose. "I was top of my class at M.I.T. I graduated number 1. I was valedictorian in high school. I won every award at Yale. I just wanted you to know that," she says, putting her cup of coffee on the table.

"Cristina…" Meredith begins.

"No. I'm not going to have you guys feeling sorry for me, or treating me like I overcame something. I'm smart. I'm really smart," Cristina says.

Lexie walks into the room.

"I'm sorry, Cristina. That was your secret to share, not mine. But you're right. You're the most brilliant resident that Seattle Grace has and…" Lexie stops when Cristina shoots her a look of daggers.

"Okay, see, that is why I don't tell anyone. You don't even like me and now you're being nice to me. It's patronizing. I'm just going to tell you all the story once and you can all be done with it quickly," Cristina says, as quickly as possibly.

"Izzie!" she calls.

"She wants to be alone," Alex says.

"No…it's okay," Izzie calls. "I'm coming."

"I figure I should tell her too, so I rob Little Grey of the pleasure of repeating the juicy gossip later. Although, if she forgets, then Little Grey can just repeat it over and over again…Alex…maybe you want to stick this on a post it?" Cristina adds, thinking out loud.

Izzie takes a seat next to Alex and takes his hand. As much as he has upset her, she knows how hard the past few weeks have been for him, and she wants him to know she still loves him. He smiles and squeezes her hand.

"So I was in fourth grade. I couldn't read. But I had a really good memory. Not freaky like Lexapedia over here, but really good. I was smart enough to get by and figure out that it was a really bad thing to not be able to read, so I figured out ways around all the reading stuff that went along with fourth grade. I remembered everything my teachers said, and drew myself pictures of all the information. I was the worlds worst speller too, but somehow that was okay, because it was acceptable to just spell things wrong and say you were sounding it out. I don't know…" Cristina says.

She pauses and sips her coffee. "My parents had no idea that I couldn't read. Then…my father died. All the parents and kids in my class came to the shiva call at my house. I wanted to get away from all the uncomfortable stares, so I went into the other room. I was looking at the picture collage of my dad and for some reason I decided I had to tell him my big secret. I said, 'Dad. I can't read.'"

Lexie feels compelled to say something. "I wasn't really good in art class," she blurts out.

Meredith looks at her and shakes her head. "Don't say anything…just smile and nod," she whispers as she sees Cristina glare at her.

Lexie nods demonstrating her understanding.

"Unfortunately, my best friend in the class, Sarah Rosenstein decided to come see where I was. Apparently, my mother was worried about me. She heard my revelation and told my teacher the next day which resulted in me going for a ton of tests and being diagnosed as dyslexic," Cristina says.

Everyone is quiet as Cristina continues. "They wanted me to go to a special school. A school for kids with learning disabilities. I went to visit that school. There were kids there in fourth grade who didn't know their colors. They were teaching people to make change. Even as a 9 year old kid, I knew what that meant. It meant I'd never be a doctor. I wasn't spending my future working in a fast food chain. I begged my mom to let me stay in my school for one more year. If I wasn't reading on grade level by then, I'd go anywhere she wanted," Cristina says. "She agreed as long as I went to a special reading tutor. That's when I got the plastic sheet," Cristina says, holding up what looks like a piece of tinted plastic.

"That's the thing you always put over your books when you read. I never asked you about it, because I just figured you were a little uptight about your textbooks getting dirty," Meredith says.

"Yeah. But it's more than that. It helps me decode letters. I studied hours a day. I worked my ass off to learn to read. I can read without it now, but I read faster with it. I practiced every chance I got. I read everything I could get my hands on. By the time 5th grade started I was reading on a 10th grade level and was in the highest reading group," Cristina says.

"That's amazing, Cristina." Izzie says.

"No, it's not. It's just what you do. I didn't let them send me to a special school and you're not going to let them cut into your brain again. We both have brain injuries. They can be overcome with hard work," Cristina says.

Izzie sighs. "Cristina…it's not the same thing," she says.

"Yes…it is," Cristina insists.

Before Izzie can respond, Derek bursts through the door.

"Meredith! What the hell! Everybody get out of the house! FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screams.

Derek rushes into the house and grabs Meredith and Lexie by the arm. Alex jumps up and grabs Cristina and Izzie and pulls them out of the house. He rushes back in and grabs the fire extinguisher. "Karev! Come help me!" he yells.

Alex runs into the house behind Derek as the two men put out what turns out to be a small but persistent kitchen fire. As they look at the charred kitchen, Derek says, "What happened? Someone could have been killed?"

Alex opens the oven which is loaded with a bunch of burned, empty dishes. He looks at Derek.

"She needs the surgery, doesn't she?" he asks.

Derek nods solemnly. "Yes," he says.

Alex looks at the damage. "I won't tell her it was her fault. She'll feel awful. I'll say it was an electrical fire," he says. "I'll figure out a way to pay Meredith back for it," he says.

"Come on, Karev. Let's get outside. There's a lot of smoke in here," Derek says, opening all the windows.

"Derek? When you operate on her…just…well…pretend it's Meredith on that table. I can't lose her. If she…well…I just can't," he says.

"I know," Derek replies, putting his hand on Alex's shoulder and leading him away from the kitchen.

When they get outside, Derek tells Meredith what happened.

Meredith whispers the story to Lexie and Cristina. Izzie asks how the fire started, and Alex says, "It was an electrical problem."

Meredith shakes her head. "No Alex. We're done lying, tiptoeing around her. My house almost burned to the ground today because we've done things your way. Izzie…I know this isn't your fault, but when you loaded the dishwasher today, you loaded the oven instead. You turned it on and left it on and started a fire," Meredith says, gently but honestly.

"Oh my god," Izzie whispers. "Mer…I…oh my god…your house. All of you…someone could have been killed! I am so sorry. So…so…sorry," Izzie says.

"Iz, it's okay. It's not your fault. You didn't know. It's alright. Don't worry about it," Alex says.

"Don't worry about it? How can I not worry about it? I can't even load a dishwasher without almost killing my friends. And Meredith's house…the damage…I…" she stammers with tears in her eyes.

Meredith smiles. "I hated that kitchen anyway," she says, thinking of the day she watches her mother's blood run on the kitchen floor. She is suddenly excited to redo the kitchen and erase that memory.

Izzie turns to Derek. "When can you do the surgery? I want it done immediately," she says.

"I'll make a few phone calls," he says, stepping away from everyone.

Izzie walks a few steps away from the house to get some air, leaving the rest of them to survey the damage. It is not tremendously damaged, but it is noticeable from the outside. Inside, the smoke damage is much worse. She closes her eyes. When she reopens them, Derek and Alex are standing in front of her.

"The chief cleared an O.R. for you the day after tomorrow. I'll do your pre-op testing tomorrow and then we'll get you in early the next day," he says.

"What surgery?" Izzie asks.

Alex puts his arm around her. "Come on. I'll explain everything to you," he says.

Meredith, Cristina and Lexie all heard this exchange.

Cristina stares at Izzie and Alex as they walk away. "She's right…it's not the same…" Cristina observes.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm going to take you to the pre-op testing area and then Cristina is going to stay with you to make sure you get your tests done today. Your surgery is early tomorrow morning and you're going to stay in the hospital tonight. Okay?" Alex says, gently as he helps Izzie out of the car.

Izzie nods. "Alex?" she asks.

"What?" he says.

"Why am I having surgery again? Do I have another tumor?" she asks.

Alex shakes his head. "This surgery is going to help you with your memory. Remember?" he asks.

Izzie laughs. "Not really…but hopefully soon I will, I guess," she says.

"Derek is going to explain everything to you again tonight and again right before your surgery tomorrow, so you'll know what is going to happen in case you forget," Alex explains patiently.

Alex walks Izzie to her room which Meredith had the chief arrange so that they wouldn't have to bother with triage and check in procedures. Lexie brought over Izzie's bedding and pillows so it would feel more like home while she was here.

Cristina rushes into the room. "Sorry I'm late. I had a solo surgery, and the damn guy's pressure started to drop so it took a little longer than expected. I mean, seriously! It was a routine appendectomy. Didn't he factor in that I have other things to do today?" Cristina says.

Izzie smiles at Alex. "How inconsiderate! I'll do my best not to hold up Derek's plans when he's cutting my head open tomorrow," she promises.

Alex smiles weakly. It feels like an effort for him to smile these days, but he tries for Izzie's sake.

Cristina looks at her watch. "Your name is on the board, Alex. You're supposed to be scrubbing in with Bailey in an hour," she says.

Alex sighs. "What kind of surgery? I didn't even look," he admits.

"I don't know! Go read the board! What do I look like? Your keeper?" Cristina asks.

Izzie squeezes his hand. "Go get ready. I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere," she says.

Alex kisses her and says, "I'll be back later. Mer and Lexie are going to stop by in a little while too," he says.

After he leaves, Cristina says, "I'm glad you're having this surgery…"

Izzie looks at her strangely. "Am I supposed to say thank you? How do you respond when your friend tells you she's glad someone is going to drill into your head?"

Cristina shakes her head. "You probably don't remember, but I fought you on this. I told you that you should just work harder. I was…well…I'm glad you're having the surgery," she says.

Izzie smiles broadly. "Is Cristina Yang apologizing?" she asks.

"We have to go down for your blood work now. Come on," Cristina says, avoiding the question.

(Break)

Lexie wanders up to Izzie's room figuring she would check in and say hello while she had a few free moments. When she gets there, she is surprised to see Alex sitting in a chair next to an empty bed.

"Is everything okay? I mean…Where's Izzie?" Lexie asks.

"No. Everything's not okay. My wife is going to have another surgery on her brain tomorrow. She's fought cancer, had countless surgeries…you think I'd be used to this by now. I'm a surgeon, dammit! But I'm not used to it. It doesn't get easier…I don't know…I wish it did…but it doesn't!" Alex sighs.

Lexie sits down on Izzie's bed. "I'm sorry, Alex. I know you probably wish I would just go away, and I will in a minute if you want me to, but I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry things have been so hard for you…and for Izzie. You both don't deserve any of this," Lexie says.

Alex puts his head in his hands for a moment and then looks up. "Thank you."

"What you said the other day, about my motives for helping Izzie..." Lexie begins.

"Forget it, Lexie. Just forget I said any of it…" Alex says.

Lexie shakes her head. "I can't. I can't forget it. I have a photographic memory," she says smiling. "I just want you to know my real motives. I know I'm not one of you guys. I know that you all have a history that I'll never have. But my intern year has sucked. I haven't made one friend, the residents have treated me like crap. I've had to work my ass off to get Meredith not to insult me at every turn, and now, the one good thing I've found, meaning Mark…well…I've screwed that up too. Your wife was the only one who took the time to fix things for a bunch of pathetic interns at a time that must have been so scary for her. I can't even imagine what it was like for her to go through that whole patient X charade, knowing patient X was her. And when I figured out the diagnosis…well…all I can say is that she made me love medicine again. She's a gifted teacher, and a completely unselfish person. I owe her at least my friendship…even if you make it hard for me sometimes," she explains.

Alex doesn't say anything and Lexie feels suffocated by the thick, uncomfortable silence that fills the room.

"So anyway…if you don't want me around, I understand. I'll just call before I come over and I'll make sure you're not around so I don't piss you off. I'm not looking to make anything harder for you. I know this isn't easy for you, and I…" Alex cuts her off midsentence.

"Little Grey…shut up already!" he says, but he is smiling.

She smiles back. "Okay. I'll shut up," she says.

"Did we really sleep together?" Alex asks.

Lexie laughs. "It feels like a lifetime ago," she admits.

Alex looks at his watch. "I thought she'd be back by now. I have to do rounds. I hate rounds. I hate going to check up on other people's sick husbands and wives. I just want to tell them all that I don't care what their pain level is. I just want to be with my own sick wife. I have a sick wife and I'm taking care of other people instead of taking care of her…" Alex says.

"You are taking care of her. She hasn't been alone for one minute through all of this. And that's because you have organized a damn good team. You don't have to do this alone," Lexie says.

Alex takes a deep breath. "I'm going to do rounds so I can get finished as quickly as possible. Meredith's stuck in the O.R. with some hemophiliac with appendicitis. Can you just hang out here in case she comes back?" Alex asks.

Lexie smiles. "I'd be happy to. I'm an intern. No one will miss me," she says, taking his place in the chair as he stands up.

"Thanks," Alex says, genuinely.

(Break)

Cristina knows that Dr. Dixon is going to be angry that she is late for surgery. Cristina can explain all she wants, but all Dr. Dixon will hear is that she was supposed to be there at noon and it is now 12:15. She stayed with Izzie for as long as she could until finally she wheeled Izzie in her wheelchair up to her room and left her with Lexie.

"Derek's coming in a few minutes to go over the procedure with her. Make sure she understands everything, and help her come up with questions if she has any," Cristina reminds Lexie.

Lexie agrees and helps Izzie, who is exhausted, back into bed as Cristina hurries off to surgery.

"How are you feeling?" Lexie asks.

"Tired," Izzie says, closing her eyes and leaning her head back.

"Oh…" Lexie says, sounding disappointed.

Izzie notices the dejected sound in Lexie's tone and sits up a bit. "What's wrong," she asks.

Lexie shakes her head. "Nothing. Nothing at all. I mean, it's really not a big deal. I just wanted to talk to someone about Mark. I mean, he's still ignoring me, and he's letting other interns scrub in and shutting me out of his surgeries. I tried what you suggested and I tried to let him know that I was still into him. I'm still so in love with him. I'm just not ready to take that step. Why can't he just wait a little bit. Why can't he let me move at my own pace?" Lexie wonders out loud.

"What would you need to be ready?" Izzie asks.

"You're going to laugh if I tell you," Lexie says.

"I won't laugh," Izzie says.

"You will," Lexie says.

Izzie sighs. "Fine…don't tell me. But if I die tomorrow when Derek cuts into my brain, you'll feel awful that you never told me," she adds.

"That was so unfair," Lexie says, smiling. "Fine. I want to be engaged before I live with someone. I just think that if you move in together before you get engaged it's like…"

"Opening your presents the day before Christmas?" Izzie finishes the thought.

"Exactly!" Lexie exclaims.

They laugh. When the laughter dies down, Lexie says, "Oh. By the way…I think Alex and I called a truce," she says.

"Thank god," Izzie says, gratefully. "How did you manage that one?"

Lexie looks embarrassed. "I explained myself a little to him. I told him why I'm so invested in helping you get through this," she says, evasively.

"And why is that?" Izzie asks.

Lexie feels shy all of a sudden. "Well…it's just that the interns were so broken when you gathered us together for that whole Patient X thing. I mean, we were a group of idiots who had just been put on probation for cutting each other open. You took the time with us. You cared about us. And all at a time that must have been terrifying for you. You put yourself on the line for us. I can't imagine what it took for you to listen to us and our stupid ideas while you were trying to figure out what was wrong with you. And then when I figured out the diagnosis…well…I was so proud of myself, and I was so happy. And then when you asked me what I would say to her…and I told you I'd tell her to screw the odds…and you told me I did a good job…well that was the single best day of my intern year. You made me love medicine again. My friendship is all I have to give you…so…well…that's it."

Izzie's eyes fill with tears. "Wow. Thank you," she says.

"You're welcome," Lexie says, shyly.

"Can I tell you something?" Izzie asks.

"Sure," Lexie says. "I've certainly talked your ear off…"

Izzie takes a deep breath. "I'm scared," she says. Her voice gives out as she says, "I'm so so scared."

Sobs wrack Izzie's frail body as Lexie sits next to her. She pulls her into a tight embrace. "It's okay," she whispers, wishing she had something less trite to offer.

After a few minutes, Izzie pulls herself together. "I'm sorry. I'm okay now," she says.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it," Lexie says.

"I'm going to sleep a bit before Derek comes. And Lexie…" Izzie says.

"What?"

"Don't tell anyone how scared I am…okay?" Izzie says as her eyes begin to close.

Lexie sits in the chair next to Izzie's bed and studies while Izzie sleeps soundly. About a half hour later, Derek enters the room ready to go over the procedure with Izzie.

"Oh, hi Derek! I'm sorry! She was so tired. I'll get her up for you. I know you must be busy and well…" Lexie stammers.

Derek laughs. "Relax, Little Grey. It's okay," he says.

"Has Mark said anything to you?" Lexie blurts out.

Derek looks at her strangely. "I'm here to explain a procedure to Izzie that involves severing arteries in her brain and you want to ask me if Mark said anything to me about the fact that you don't want to live with him?" Derek asks.

"So he did say something to you. And yes. I know I sound really self-centered, but I'm kind of desperate here and well, Izzie's sleeping and if he said anything to you…I just thought that maybe…" Lexie stammers.

"He didn't say anything…" Derek begins.

"Nothing?" Lexie asks.

"You didn't let me finish. He doesn't have to say anything. He's never going to say anything. Mark has his pride. His pride has been hurt. He doesn't understand why you don't want to take things to the next level. Besides, he's pretty damn competitive and I just got married," Derek explains.

Just as Lexie is supposed to answer, Izzie wakes up.

"Derek? Lexie? What's going on? Why am I back in the hospital?" she asks.

"You're having surgery tomorrow. Do you remember anything about that?" Derek asks.

Izzie shakes her head. "Surgery? Why? I thought the cancer was gone?" she asks.

Lexie sits on Izzie's bed with her, allowing Derek to have the chair. Meredith comes rushing in. "I am so sorry I'm late! That surgery took forever!"

"No problem. We're just about to explain to Izzie why she's here and how this surgery is going to work," Derek explains.

Meredith's face betrays a slight sadness as she realizes that Izzie's memory failed her again. Lexie smiles sympathetically at her sister.

"Derek is going to explain everything to you, Iz, and we'll all be here every step of the way," Meredith says.

Izzie nods, blankly, still not sure what any of them are talking about.

"I'm going to start from the beginning because I'm not sure what you remember. If I'm annoyingly repetitive, just bear with me, okay?" Derek says.

Izzie nods.

"You had cancer. Stage IV metastatic melanoma with mets on your brain, liver, and several other vital organs. You completed a course of IL2 chemotherapy and had multiple surgeries. After one of your surgeries to remove a tumor on your brain, you coded due to the stress on your body of the surgery combined with the IL2. The lack of oxygen to your brain caused short term memory loss," Derek explains.

"Wait one minute. Mer, give me a piece of paper," Lexie says.

She takes a pen out of her lab coat and writes key points down for Izzie.

_Metastatic Melanoma._

_Chemo and multiple surgeries_

_Lack of oxygen to brain caused short term memory loss_

"This will help jog your memory if you forget," Lexie says, showing Izzie the paper.

Izzie smiles, gratefully.

"We are going to reroute one of your arteries so that the blood flow can bypass the damaged portion of your brain. If the new artery path accepts the blood flow, we should be looking at full recovery. You'll be back to the old Izzie Stevens," Derek says.

Izzie nods, nervously as Lexie adds to the piece of paper.

_Surgery will reroute blood flow away from damaged area of brain_

_Full memory should be restored_

Derek is silent until Meredith says, "Derek?"

He looks at her questioningly.

"You didn't tell her about the possible risks," she says.

Derek glares at Meredith. "Dr. Grey, I will discuss risks with _**my**_patient when I decide it is appropriate," Derek says.

Meredith ignores him.

"There is a risk of the artery bursting," Meredith says, defiantly.

Lexie writes down _Risk of artery bursting._

Izzie looks at Meredith nervously. "What if the artery bursts? What will happen?"

Meredith looks at Derek for help. Derek shakes his head. "Why don't you tell my patient what will happen if the artery bursts since you thought this was the perfect time to have this discussion," he says, angrily.

Meredith takes a deep breath. "Most likely, that would be fatal," she says, without looking Izzie in the eye.

"So this surgery is really risky?" Izzie asks.

Meredith nods and Derek adds, "Dr. Stevens, we are going to take very good care of you. You just rest and don't worry about a thing. I'll be back in the morning to prep you for surgery," he says before adding, "Dr. Grey, can I see you outside?"

Meredith follows him outside.

"What were you thinking? How could you not warn her of the risks?" Meredith asks.

"She already consented to the surgery! Besides, her memory is worse under extreme anxiety which now I'm sure she is suffering from seeing as you had to give her the possibility of fatal complications!" Derek admonishes.

"She's the patient. She deserves to have all the information going into surgery!" Meredith argues.

"Let me remind you that you may be my wife, but you are still a resident and I am still the attending. Obviously, I had my reasons for not giving her that information at that particular moment, which YOU didn't even think to ask. Last I checked we respected each other's professional judgment? Why wouldn't you even give me the benefit of the doubt?" Derek asks.

"What were those reasons?" Meredith asks, angrily. "I'd love to hear them."

"#1. Izzie's memory is worsened by anxiety, which I have mentioned to you before. #2. Her memory is so badly compromised right now that I am going to have to go over the procedure with her again tomorrow morning right before surgery, so I figured we might want to give Izzie a little piece of mind the last day before her surgery. I was being compassionate, Meredith. You could take a lesson there," Derek fires angrily.

His words hit Meredith sharply in the chest. All of a sudden, she realizes how wrong she was. "I'm sorry," she says.

"Don't apologize to me. Go in there and fix what you did. I don't care what you say, just do it!" Derek snaps.

Meredith is left standing outside Izzie's room. Her mind spins as she processes Derek's hostile attack.

Izzie and Lexie wait in Izzie's room. Silence surrounds them and feels as thick as the air on a hot, humid, summer day. Finally, Lexie speaks.

"Alex will probably be back soon," she says, hoping that she is right. She's not sure what to say, and would love for someone else to come in and know the perfect thing to say to a person who is about to undergo life threatening surgery.

"Alex…" she repeats.

"Yes. Alex," Lexie repeats, knowing she is spouting useless words.

"Who is Alex?" Izzie asks.

Lexie stares at Izzie, who has recently forgotten information regularly, but has never once forgotten a person. _Something isn't right,_ she thinks.

"Alex…your husband. Alex Karev. Alex…" Lexie says, hoping Izzie will respond by laughing and telling her she was just joking to lighten the mood.

The genuine confusion on Izzie's face dashes all of Lexie's hope.

"Husband? Alex?" Izzie replies, confused.

"I'm going to get Meredith…I'll be right back," Lexis says, panicking.

"Who's Meredith?" Izzie asks.

Lexie breathes in deeply and opens the door. "Meredith! Page Derek! Stat! Something's really wrong!"

Meredith comes rushing in. "What's wrong?" she asks.

Izzie begins to panic. "Who are you? Both of you? Who are you? What am I doing here?" she asks.

Meredith pages Derek with a 911 page. Derek rushes into the room and hears Izzie not knowing who Meredith and Lexie are. He shines a flashlight in her eyes. "I think she's having another stroke. I need to operate fast. Page Karev. He's her healthcare proxy," he says, wheeling Izzie towards the O.R.

Meredith follows behind him. "Derek...I…I mean before, when I…" she cannot quite put her feelings into words. Derek stops wheeling Izzie for one moment to grab Meredith by the shoulders.

"This is NOT your fault, Meredith," he says, gently, before snapping back into his role as a surgeon and paging Dr. Bailey to assist him.

As the doors to the O.R. close, Alex comes rushing down the hallway.

"What the hell happened?" he yells.

Meredith tells him what happened and Alex pounds the wall next to the O.R. with his fist.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell her I loved her!" he says, dissolving into sobs.

****

I am so sorry that I didn't get back to anyone after your last reviews. Please know that I appreciate all of them. I promise to be better this time. It was a crazy week!! Anyway…here is Ch 5. I hope you like it!

-Jess


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